Learn to read your partner’s mind

This post was first published on LOLA’s blog on Sep 17, 2013. I’m putting it here as a backup copy. Click here to see the original post.

Whether you’re in a solid relationship or dating, how do you know he or she is the one for you? Most people probably would say it’s about how well the two of you could “click”. Some might say it’s the level of understanding and trust between you two.

Personally, I think it’s both. There are three tools here that I’ve found that might help you decide if you two are a good match or perhaps strengthen the bond between you two. I’m pretty sure there are more out there, but I’ll just share these three because they’re simple, fun and enlightening.

Who am I?
Question: How well do you know yourself? Think about that for a moment. If you don’t know yourself well enough, how can you expect your partner to know you, and vice versa?

Don’t worry, there’s still hope. Why not take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality test? Once you’ve taken the test, you can read about your profile here. This is a personality test that has four categories, each with two possible types, giving a total of 16 possible combinations. I took the test and my profile was right on the mark. One of the most accurate personality tests ever.

Do note that this test shows you your preferences, not your aptitude or degree of strength for these. Also remember that your preferences can change. You’re definitely not the same person you were several years ago. Did you know that every seven years, all the cells in your body have been replaced? So, technically speaking, you’re a totally new person every seven years. It’s not that far-fetched to think that your personality will change too.

On the section of relationships, it will tell you who your natural partner is, although keep in mind that any two individuals can enjoy a healthy relationship. You’ll also be able to see your strengths and, more importantly, your weaknesses. If both you and your partner understand, accommodate for, and are aware of each other’s weaknesses, then you’ll have an easier time communicating with each other.

This brings me to the next part: communication. Communication is arguably the most important thing in a relationship. So many problems in relationships could be avoided if only both parties would talk clearly to each other, in a language they understand. I don’t mean languages like English, Mandarin, Malay or Tamil. No, I mean getting your point across to the other person in terms that person can comprehend.

Let me share with you the last two tools you can use to improve your relationship or decide if you two are compatible.

If you wanna be my lover
Love has different languages; five, in fact. The 5 Love Languages was created by Gary Chapman, author of the book with the same title. I strongly recommend you beg, borrow or steal buy this book. The 5 languages are Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation and Gifts.

Not everyone speaks the same language of love. If you know your partner’s love language, you’ll be able to express your love to them in the best way they understand.

Guys, ever wondered why, no matter all the gifts you give her, she says she doesn’t feel loved? Her love language is probably not gifts. Perhaps it’s Quality Time and you ought to spend time with her, doing things together. Or maybe it’s Physical Touch, so hugs and cuddling might be more appropriate. Or what if she’s just plain mad at you? Doing the dishes (Act of Service) probably won’t free you from her wrath if her love language is Words of Affirmation.

This is where the second communication tool comes in…

The Canadian Way
The Apology Profile was also made by Gary Chapman and it’s in the same vein as the 5 love languages. It’s more on how you’d prefer others apologize to you, rather than expressing love. Guys especially should pay attention here. In an argument, saying sorry (and meaning it!) to her doesn’t mean she’s right. It means you value your relationship more than you need to be right.

The different ways the people receive apologies are Expressing Regret, Accepting Responsibility, Make Restitution (making amends), Genuinely Repent and Requesting Forgiveness. Click here to find out your profile.

I think this is probably the most useful tool here. Knowing your partner’s apology language is very powerful and also provides you with a guide on what to do when you have an argument. I’m sure many people would be at a loss as to what to do after a fight. It’s difficult to apologize, but if you know your partner’s profile, then you know exactly what to do to calm him or her down. Chances are, once you apologize, they’ll be more willing to help right what has gone wrong.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this post as much as I did writing it and perhaps learnt a thing or two. These tools will help you learn more about yourself too, so do take the quizzes even if you aren’t in a relationship. Also, this could be a fun first date activity and will give you and your partner plenty to talk about *hint hint*

-Jace

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