It’s so difficult to find someone with the intellect to understand you, the same interests as you and the ability to keep up with you.
Intellect is my highest priority in friendships. I don’t mean intellect as in academically awesome, or a chess champion; I mean same intellect as in similar way of thinking. One example would be the kind of jokes we share. I’m very thankful for the people who understand and appreciate the jokes I make or who make similar types of jokes and I will fight to keep these friends in my life.
I’m choosing my friends very carefully, because I don’t want to waste time on people who ultimately won’t be able to click with me. One of my primary friend filters is humour. When I meet someone new, if they can get my puns and references, they’re on the right track. If they can’t, I usually glance over them and keep them at arms length. Some might argue that this is a little mean of me, but hey, read sentence one of this paragraph again.
Similar interests is the next thing I look for in a friendship, because if two people don’t have the same interests, it’s very difficult to form a friendship outside of work. While intellect is the starting point of my friendships, similar interests are the glue of my friendships. I don’t make friends just simply because we’re thrown together by circumstances, like colleagues or classmates. No, once I filter people out, I actively look for common interests between us and shortlist them again.
The last thing I look for is ability. Some people may have the same interest as I do, but if we’re both of different skill levels, then it kinda sucks. It’s difficult to do something with someone who is really good at it, or really bad at it. Like in computer games or sports, if one overpowers the other, then it doesn’t become fun anymore for either player.
I guess passion is the overlap of interests and ability and this is quite crucial to a lasting friendship. I know different people have different levels of passion and that those levels wax and wane over time. It’s a precarious balance for me, because I don’t want to be overly passionate about a common interest and then overwhelm the other person, but I also don’t want the reverse to happen either.
When I find a girl who matches me well in all three categories, I’ll probably marry her.