I stare at the buzzing phone in my hand. Caller ID says it’s him. I don’t know why I still kept his number. I don’t know why I still kept his picture, which is flashing on my screen. He’s smiling and his eyes twinkle up at me, as if knowing with such complete confidence that I’ll pick up. So many emotions stir up within me. Emotions about him I’ve suppressed since we last met in person, where he rejected me outright.
He’s still calling. Why is he calling me? Why is he calling now? It’s been almost two years since we last met.
I flash back to when we first met. He was my classmate’s best friend and we’d met at this computer workshop thing. I can’t even remember what it was about, because I was kind of dazzled by his smile. When my classmate introduced us, he gave me this big confident grin as we shook hands. I controlled myself and remembered my manners, thank goodness. He added me as a friend on Facebook after the workshop.
The first time we talked online was over a shared interest in a musician: Lindsey Stirling. Oh I absolutely adore her! She can dance and play the violin at the same time and I love the music videos she makes when she mixes classical and dubstep together.
Anyway, he had shared one of Lindsey Stirling’s videos and tagged our mutual friend. I commented on it and we had a good time defending Lindsey from our mutual friend, who didn’t really like her. Since then we’ve bonded over every single music video that Lindsey Stirling released.
One day he told me about this introduction class to Latin dance and asked if I would go with him. I was thrilled, he had asked me out! I moved my schedule around so that I could go with him and replied that yes, I’d be willing to go. It seemed like he, too, was interested in me, because shortly after that, he asked me out to breakfast before our first Latin dance class together. We chatted for a while on Facebook and boy was he hilarious. There just seemed to be no end to his jokes and puns and quick quips.
When we met for breakfast, I found that he was really chatty. I mean, he had the gift of the gab! He did talk rather fast, but I put that down to nerves. Heck, I was so nervous too; I was barely able to say anything. It was a good thing he could talk a lot. I enjoyed his funny stories and anecdotes very much, and I did notice his effort to encourage me to talk. I appreciated that, but all I wanted was just to listen to him speak.
A couple of days later, he asked me out again. He’d somehow found out that the club I belonged to had organized a Halloween event and asked if I was going. I replied that I wanted to go, but no one I asked was interested. Actually, I hadn’t asked anyone at all, but it’s still technically not a lie. I just hoped he’d ask me to go with him and sure enough, he did. I was so happy and I even bought our tickets for us and treated him to dinner. We spent about three hours together at the event then hung out for a while after that. I had turned up late and made him wait half an hour for me because I was running around doing errands, so I’d insisted on buying him dinner.
Then one day after one of our Latin dance classes, he totally dropped me. We were walking a little behind our group, heading to dinner. There was this small road we had to cross and he just stepped off without seeing the oncoming taxi. Okay it was close enough that we would have to run if we wanted to cross before it, but far enough for me to reach out, grab his hand and pull him back. For those few seconds, it was blissful. He held my hand loosely in his, and then the worst thing happened.
He threw my hand away.
Okay fine I’m exaggerating a little. He just let go of me, he didn’t throw my hand away, but it sure felt like it. I was so hurt as I watched him step off the road after the taxi had passed and I meekly followed behind.
I thought he liked me. He asked me out three times and still he hadn’t confessed, so I thought I’d nudge him a long a little. The taxi gave me the perfect excuse to hold his hand, but that seriously backfired. After our last Latin dance class, he never asked me out again. We still talked a bit on Facebook, but I also noticed he stopped sharing Lindsey Stirling videos with me.
I was hurt, then angry. I felt strung along, like a naive little girl. How could he have treated me like that? I loved his confidence, which showed especially in his eyes and smile. It was hard and I felt like I didn’t deserve to be angry at him because he hadn’t actually confessed to me and dumped me. It was like losing something that wasn’t even mine to begin with. But, eventually, I managed to move on. I suppressed all my feelings for him, because I’m tough like that.
I’m not a foolish girl anymore.
But as I stare at the buzzing phone in my hand, he smiles at me with that soft confidence I once loved.
Oh, darn it.