Sleeping IS the job

When I was overseas I had a lot of time to think and one of the random thoughts I had was about shifting energy from one person to another. Like, what if we all had natural batteries that could be removed, replaced and recharged? Of course, each person would have their own unique set of batteries that fit perfectly with themselves, but if need be, one could use the batteries from another person.

Our natural store of energy is in fats, most notably around our belly and butt. If we had batteries instead, like, removable butts, they’d be… buttery packs.

Yeah I just wanted to make that pun.

But seriously, what would a world be like if we could trade stored energy? I’m going to make a few assumptions here before I carry on with my alternate reality world. First, all battery packs would have to be the same size. Or at least, the packs would grow to be a certain size and stop growing. Therefore, children sized batteries wouldn’t be able to fit into an adult and vice versa. Perhaps there might be an ethical issue here, resulting in laws that prevented battery packs from under-aged people to be traded. Also, removing the battery pack from a human doesn’t kill them. At least, not immediately. They just have lesser energy storage capacity. More energy also doesn’t extend your life, it just gives you more energy to run on without needing to sleep. But then this means you spend more of your life awake, so I guess it does sort of extend your life by reducing how much sleep you’d need… Hmm. Lastly, I assume that, while the batteries are the same size physically, their internal maximum energy storage would differ based on age, gender and lifestyle. Of course, this means that the batteries wouldn’t store energy in fats, but rather electrical energy, much like portable chargers in the real world.

Immediately I’m reminded of the crystals in Eragon. Eragon was able to channel his energy into crystals in his belt and sword and then “recharge” himself when he slept. When he needed to, he could retrieve the energy from these gems.

But we’re not dealing with magic energy crystals. This could result in literal human harvesting. If battery packs could be swapped, then there’s a market for renewable energy. I’m not even talking about powering electrical devices with human energy, I mean literal human to human energy transfer. Imagine a company that hires people to eat and sleep to charge their packs. Then they can swap these charged packs with empty packs for a fee and the employee can continue sleeping and eating to recharge the packs. If the batteries really are located where our butts would be, then this would really be ass production.

Laugh, people! That was a good pun.

Also, see title. Sleeping would be so awesome as a part time job. Say you slept most of the week and you’re paid partially in energy coupons(?) and the other part cash. You could party all weekend, then come to work on Monday and sleep off whatever hangover you might get. I would definitely get a lot of job satisfaction here.

Hmm… this parallels In Time quite a bit. Trading time for time, or in this case, energy for energy. I think there would be a finite amount of asses in the world though. Batteries would age and “die” with their original humans, so the older a person is, the less energy the battery can store and thus is worth less.

It also makes the phrase “selling backside” less gay.

-Jace

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Talk wordy to me

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