Tough Times

This was something I did for LOLA that never got published. Here it is anyway.

Procrastination is bad. Everyone knows that. Yet how many of us have put off doing things in our lives? I’m sure almost all of us have done so at least once. Haven’t you ever put off, say, confessing to your crush because the time just wasn’t right?

Well, here are my personal guidelines to four events in love and dating that you might find useful if you don’t have your own, or at the very least, amusing.

When do you confess to your crush?
Let’s start with this, because every relationship starts with this. It’s a scary notion; the thought of confessing and then finding out that your crush doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, or worse, realizing that you didn’t feel as strongly as you thought you did. The nervousness is perfectly normal and part and parcel of life.

01 Confess to your crush

Personally, I usually give myself about 2-3 months after I realize that I have feelings for a girl. It’s just enough time for me evaluate whether or not I actually like her. Sometimes, the infatuation does fade away and I’m glad I didn’t do anything, but if the feeling of attraction persists, then I will make a move. Of course, most of the time I get rebuffed, but that’s just me. The point is: I’m able to move on instead of prolonging the agonizing period of deciding what to do. If I get rejected, I know for sure that that door is closed and I can refocus my energies elsewhere.

This is in no way limited to just guys. Girls can and should take action and confess to their crushes as well, if they feel strongly enough. Gender quality, you know?

When do you move to kiss a girl?
This one is tricky. Of course there are so many factors that affect this, so I can’t provide a firm answer. I have come across one guide that says you should move to kiss her at the end of the first or second date, depending on your boldness, your connection and chemistry you feel.

02 First Kiss

The trick is to move to kiss her on her forehead instead of her mouth or cheek, like a goodnight kiss. If she tilts her head upwards, she’s more likely to accept a mouth kiss, and if she tilts her head down, it means she’s not ready. Either way, forehead kisses build trust.

If you’re still not sure about a kiss, then here’s something funny I came across. Keep a pack of Hershey’s Kisses in your bag then ask her: “Do you want a kiss?” or “Can I give you a kiss?” Judging her reaction then, you’ll be able to tell if you should go for it or not. If she’s not ready, then pull out the chocolates and say (with a cheeky smile), “Are you sure?” At the very least, it’ll be something humorous you two can laugh over. Have fun with this one. 😀

When do you “cut loss”?
I’m sure many, if not all, of us have deal breakers; character traits and/or habits of a person that make you backpedal quickly and go “Nope, sorry, you ain’t the one for me.” Super turn offs that you just can’t live with; like smoking is a deal breaker for me. But it’s always hard to tell the other party because you don’t want to come across as a playboy that flings girls aside when he’s bored or a heartless bitch that likes to toy with guys. Especially if you were the one who initiated the relationship.

03 Deal Breaker

However, if it really is a deal breaker for you, then you ought to call it off immediately. You know that a relationship between you would never work, so stop wasting time and just end it. Of course, be tactful and let him or her down gently. And be gracious enough to do it face to face. In this modern world of Facebook and WhatsApp, it’s so convenient to take the easy way out and break up over a message or a phone call. But that’s shallow and insincere, totally not cool at all.

Don’t be that guy or girl.

Yes, it’s really uncomfortable at first, but if you don’t do it immediately, the discomfort stays with you for however long it takes you to tell the other party. It just makes so much more sense to do it ASAP; you don’t waste any more time and you both can get over it and move on.

When do you propose?
This one is just for fun; I don’t have any actual first-hand experience, obviously. It’s just a combination of things I’ve read about and my own thoughts and opinions.

04 Ring in Hand

For me, I decided on seven years. Seven years of knowing a woman, not necessarily dating her or being in a relationship, but actually spending time together and getting to know her, be it one on one, a workplace or through multiple social gatherings.

I picked that number because I read somewhere that, every seven years, all the cells in your body are totally replaced (except brain cells). So essentially, you’re a new person with new cells. Makes sense; you’re not the same person you were seven years ago right? I thought it was a cool idea, whether or not it was true, so I took seven years as a guideline. I believe that if a couple can work through a major change such as this, then they’d be really tight and able to work through any more obstacles life throws at them.

Remember that all of the above are just guides, something to reference if you don’t have a plan of your own. I find it easier to start off with a guide and then make your own changes along the way. But, no matter what, procrastinating something only makes facing it harder later on. To quote Apollo in Rocky: “There is no tomorrow!!!”

-Jace

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2 thoughts on “Tough Times

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